Gary the Best Ever

cyberfricking:

are you ignoring me or am i just worrying too much: an autobiography

rnioda:

*stabs you in the chest* why are u screaming i said april fools wtf calm down

cat: [makes a small friendly noise]
me: oh my god. ohhhh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. do it again. oh my god.

cchannette:

jwisser:

thepasta-nerada:

vvrathia:

the sexual tension when u and ur crush are online on fb at the same time and u just stare at their lil green dot

and suddenly you know what gatsby felt like

This is actually the most profound and appropriate literary allusion I’ve encountered so far this week.

oh my god

invaderotaku:

kalliat:

how do boys actually dry their ducks after they shower like

do you just grab it in the towel and roll it between your hands like a dough snake

or do you swing it around to air dry

I need to know

image

returntothestars:

It’s like when Windows does this, but in real life.

returntothestars:

It’s like when Windows does this, but in real life.

image

ok none of that bullshit emotional stuff

THESE are the best feelings in the world:

  • peeing after holding it in all day
  • orgasms
  • faking ill and getting sent back to bed 
  • when you sing really emotionally and give yourself shivers b/c you’re fucking star quality
  • getting a back massage
  • seeing somebody you don’t like fall over omfg 
  • when you try and talk to your pet in their language and you feel like you’re having a conversation (this might just be me idk)
Joke of the day.

wanderoar:

roseonabeach:

frostedsammy:

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”
“Oui.”
“Sí.”
“Ja.”

what

Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this

stupidest/most awesome joke ever

ameliagillan:

quick, we need to passionately make out for science

hkirkh:

godotal:

broken body

"I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep."

hkirkh:

godotal:

broken body

"I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep."

thew0lfqueen:

thew0lfqueen:

Don’t date someone you wouldn’t own a dog with

I still stand by this information

eziocauthon89:

safetytank:

i mISTOOK THE POLE CAP FOR PART OF ITS FACE


SO DID I

eziocauthon89:

safetytank:

i mISTOOK THE POLE CAP FOR PART OF ITS FACE

SO DID I